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Stump the Stand up 9_9 --Poppin'
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Wrap
Text File
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2014-12-10
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11KB
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230 lines
ComedyNite: ROYALE WATKINS....You may have seen him on HBO's Def Comedy Jam
Question: Hey Caroline If we stump ya how ya going to stand up?
ComedyNite: or on Caroline's Comedy Hour.....Welcome ROYALE WATKINS!
ComedyNite: A question from the audience
Question: For what reason would you have to "Take the Fifth?"
Royale Watkins: I am actually a suspect so, now, I have to take the 5th
Clubcomedy: Adam1498 inquires...
Question: What part of Paris do you hate most?
Royale Watkins: The part where the French people are
Clubcomedy: Meffley asks...
Question: How did you become Royal(e)??
Royale Watkins: After about three hours of passionate love making....
Clubcomedy: Here's our fave, Bob Tard!
Question: Who will the Deadheads follow now that Jerry Garcia is gone?
Royale Watkins: Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers
Question: What does a beaver look like bald?
Clubcomedy: That's from MC Weber
Royale Watkins: I've only seen two bald beavers, I was drunk both times
ComedyNite: PS....They don't taste all that bad.
Clubcomedy: Guvie asks...
Question: Why didn't cleopatra ever have children???
Royale Watkins: She was always on her PYRAMID
Clubcomedy: What would we find in your diaries, Royale?
Clubcomedy: So wonders JennyDT
ComedyNite: In Royale diaries...... I don't have one....I only have taped confessions.
Question: WHY DON'T BLIND MEN SKYDIVE???
Clubcomedy: Hoss Sez is curious about that one...
ComedyNite: I don't know......YOU HAVE STUMPED ME
ComedyNite: Please send you screen name and the ANSWER to JodieShawj with your name and you
ComedyNite: will get a T-SHIRT, you lucky stiff :)
Question: What will life be like after OJ?
Royale Watkins: Boring
Clubcomedy: Lyn2345 is wondering, Royale
Question: Did you know that Michael Jackson is making his own commercial, know what it is?
Royale Watkins: Trying to suck the boy OUT of the Pepsi bottle.
Question: what does o j stand for?
Clubcomedy: ...asks CFisher
Royale Watkins: Who CARES let's just get it over with!
Clubcomedy: Here's Prizon...
Question: if you type as fast as you have sex it'll be a loooong night
ComedyNite: Thanks....I think
ComedyNite: :)
Clubcomedy: Abacrombe thinks this is still the Sports show..wanna help, Royale?
Question: Excuse me, but I was wondering what the Auburn score was...last I heard, they were up
Question: 62-3...
Royale Watkins: Who did Auburn play? Who cares!....C'mon, let's talk O.J.
Clubcomedy: From BarbaraC5..
Question: Is your mom selling chips?
Royale Watkins: I didn't know it was still in SYNDICATION!
Clubcomedy: Here's GabeT...
Question: So now this gives a Royal Flush a new meaning?
Royale Watkins: It depends what game we are playing
ComedyNite: OK.....Now we have Linda Smith
ComedyNite: Welcome Linda
ComedyNite: You may have seen here on Women of the Night, Conan
ComedyNite: First Question
Clubcomedy: egrahma86 starts us off, Linda...
Question: what's black and white and red all over
Linda Smith: It's way past your bed time EGRAHMA86
Clubcomedy: The next is from ABestnumbers...
Question: What's going on in here?
Linda Smith: Nothing......Trust me
Clubcomedy: JonnyTelz, a regular, wants to challenge Linda...
Question: What do OJ and the Shuttle Endeavor have in common?
Linda Smith: They are both black (?)
Clubcomedy: another oj hilarity!...
Question: Why will OJ be home for the Holidays?
Clubcomedy: That's from Dotinthei
Linda Smith: Cause they need the carving knife
Question: What do you recommend for heartburn?
Linda Smith: TACOS
Clubcomedy: That's from the guy who wins all the tee shirts.. he enters every contest we have
Question: Why does Michael Jackson grab himself??? ...from ActressYZ
Clubcomedy: That questions was from ActressYZ
Linda Smith: Cause Lisa Marie won't!
Question: Last night at work some guy cut his toe off. Know what we did?
Clubcomedy: GKH267 sent that one
Linda Smith: Took him to the hospital?
Linda Smith: Just a Guess.
Clubcomedy: TenSleepW inquires of Linda..
Question: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
Linda Smith: for you 3
Clubcomedy: Yes! This question is from JONNYTELZ....
Question: Where's JenRogers?
Linda Smith: She's at home with you dad :)
ComedyNite: playing checkers...Of course
Clubcomedy: DavisAnumbers wonders...
Question: Linda.. should women stand up (in the bathroom) for equal rights?
Linda Smith: They should only stand up (in the bathroom) if they have a penis
Clubcomedy: User39120 asks simply...
Question: Wookie?
Linda Smith: Cookie?
Clubcomedy: another, from the audience...
Question: Why can't Irish dogs clear tables?
Linda Smith: Cause they are drunk :)
Clubcomedy: Spelman 40...
Question: Is this thing on?
Linda Smith: *#%* you
Question: What do OJ and David Hasselhoff have in common?
Linda Smith: Both are BAD actors!
Question: It was 76-10, thank you very much!!!!!
Clubcomedy: Abacrobe is back.. Royale has left, Ab
Question: What do Judge Ito and Kato Kaelin have in common?
Linda Smith: They are both Asia
ComedyNite: Kato the dog
Question: Why does Monica Seles grunt so loudly?
Linda Smith: Cause she got the knife in her back
Question: Why does the media care so much about OJ?
Linda Smith: Because you people eat it up
ComedyNite: Last question for LINDA SMITH
Clubcomedy: User 39 just can't get enough...
Question: How long would it take OJ to break out of jail if he really wanted to?
Linda Smith: If he *REALLY* wanted to....!?!
ComedyNite: Thank you LINDA SMITH.........
ComedyNite: Next we have DENNIS REGAN
ComedyNite: He has been on Comedy Central, and HBO
Question: How are Ron and Nancy doing?
Dennis Regan: Nancy went with Sluggo....They are in LOVE.
Question: What happened when you tried phone sex?
Dennis Regan: I dialed the wrong number.
Question: WHy do rock stars videos have naked woman in them all the time???
Dennis Regan: I hadn't noticed....They are naked?
Clubcomedy: Thefoutze wonders...
Question: How do you play this game?
Dennis Regan: WHAT GAME?
Clubcomedy: Jazzdog is curious...
Question: Do you know what is clear and smells like worms?
Question: Can humans fly?
Dennis Regan: Un-scented Ban Roll-on
Question: Who was the first 900 number user?
Clubcomedy: anawim2 asked that one
Dennis Regan: 900-suck
Clubcomedy: Here's David a...
Question: Would you sell your soul if you could become famous?
Dennis Regan: I already sold my soul for something else.
Clubcomedy: PB1254...
Question: can i have a t-shirt?
Dennis Regan: ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, NO...But thanks for asking
Clubcomedy: KMDBuda, what's on your mind?
Question: Will Jeff Foxworthy's new show last more than one week?
Dennis Regan: Nostudamus predicts it would come to pass.
Clubcomedy: Traviss 19 has a real poser, Dennis...
Question: what is the difference between a AOL and prodigy
Dennis Regan: Call your Guru!
Clubcomedy: Pagan Scu, you're next...
Question: what is the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Dennis Regan: It always makes me hungry for a Philly Cheesesteak
Clubcomedy: Hotwyr77 is really looking for a T-shirt
Question: I'm curious... What is the meaning of life, the universe and everything?
Dennis Regan: You are curious? CURIOUS?
Clubcomedy: David again...
Question: Where are your children tonight?
ComedyNite: All across America!
Clubcomedy: Jonny again...
Question: Is Jen in Ohio?
ComedyNite: Yes, I believe that is where she is buried.
Clubcomedy: A new one, from Logisgrp...
Question: who r u??
Dennis Regan: I am the god of hellfire....
Dennis Regan: And I bring you FIRE!
Question: Why does the TIger love frosted flakes???
ComedyNite: He hasn't actually said he loves them. He says they are GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!
Question: What does UPN REALLY stand for?
Dennis Regan: Under Privileged Network
Clubcomedy: Inishowen asks..
Question: How would you handle OJ Simson, right now???
Dennis Regan: Lay off O.J....Hasn't he suffered enough.
Clubcomedy: pvillefis...
Question: What did Nicole Simpson say to Ron Goldman
Dennis Regan: I wasn't there ...How would I know...(DUH)
Clubcomedy: a new one from david...
Question: Is there a "backstage" in Carolines?
Dennis Regan: Not exactly.
Dennis Regan: There's a green room
Clubcomedy: olcexpress is here, to ask...
Question: Is Stand Up Comedy Clubs becoming a thing of the past?
Dennis Regan: No
Clubcomedy: Lucky2042, what up?..
Question: is god watching us or laughing at us?
Dennis Regan: god is busy watching other planets...His Favorites.
Question: Why do baseball players strike out????
Dennis Regan: Cause it's hard to walk with four balls.
Question: How many teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Dennis Regan: 15, one to do it, and 14 to watch and clock out.
ComedyNite: Llone asks that are the 2 things that OJ has that I want
ComedyNite: A life and a comfortable pillow.
Clubcomedy: Here is Shadowmanz...
Question: What do you get crossing Bill Clinton with Forest Gump?
Dennis Regan: Dan Quayle
Question: Do those little Keebler elves ever get any?
Dennis Regan: Where do you think cream cookies come from
Question: What was Adam's first word after he saw Eve?
Dennis Regan: Yur purtty
Question: Will Boston really win the World Series this year?
Dennis Regan: What color is the sky in your world?
Question: Why use liquid soap?
Dennis Regan: to get the filth slime and scum off your body
ComedyNite: DENNIS HAS TO GO BE FUNNY ON STAGE.
Clubcomedy: IF YOU WANT TO COME ONSTAGE, use the Interact with Host button right NOW! :)
ComedyNite: JIM DAVID is here to wrap up the night
ComedyNite: He is a favorite here at Caroline's
Question: Why do you have 2 first names?
Jim David: You will have to ask my ancestor Finis David....
Jim David: The Comic who came over on the Mayflower
Jim David: He did 20 minutes on Scurvy
Clubcomedy: Jim, meet BBurke 140...
Question: Hello, i tried to stump the comedian but he avoided ME~!
Jim David: Sorry, I have to take the 5th on that question.
Clubcomedy: Jase 14 has one for you, Jim...
Question: Ok, how many sorority sisters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Jim David: 1 to screw it in....1 to gossip about it and one to tell it what ugly heels it has.
Question: Is there anything that won't eventually kill you?
Jim David: Repeated oral sex with the Matigaskin antelope
Question: Jim, Who was the only straight member of the Village People?
Jim David: by your question....I assume that you think the Village people are gay.
Jim David: Everyone knows that they are members of the Christian coalition
ComedyNite: One more question
Question: Are you related to Tom David?
Jim David: He is my lover!
ComedyNite: That's it....I would like to thank all the comic that helped out tonight
ComedyNite: JIM DAVID
ComedyNite: Dennis Regan
ComedyNite: LINDA SMITH
ComedyNite: and Royale Watkins
ComedyNite: Please keep an eye out for our 45 minute Amateur hour coming up Wednesday nights
ComedyNite: And of course we will be here next week for Stump the Stand Up
C 1995 CapCities/ABC